A light-hearted celebration for anyone who knows — or is — a diver
The festive season is a time for gathering with loved ones, eating far too much, politely avoiding political conversations, and attempting to explain your hobbies to relatives who still don’t really “get” them. And if you’re a diver?
Well… your experience is slightly different.
Here’s a cheerful, entirely accurate, good-natured look at divers during the holidays — the quirks, the obsessions, the behaviours we pretend we don’t have but absolutely do.
Pour yourself a festive beverage, settle in, and prepare to recognise yourself on this list. Possibly more than once.
1. Divers LOVE Gear. All of It. More Than They Love Most Human Beings.
Trying to shop for a diver during the festive season is an Olympic sport.
Why? Because they always need:
- one more clip
- one more torch
- one more spool
- one more mask because the current one “fits weird”
- one more bag to organise the other bags
- one more wetsuit because the water might someday be 1.5 degrees colder
You’d think divers are preparing for deep-sea exploration on Europa, not a 12-metre shore dive on Saturday.
Divers don’t do minimalism. They do “I might need this someday even though I already own three.”
They also firmly believe that you can never have too many:
- drysuit undergarments
- tank o-rings
- slates
- DSMBs
- cutting tools (plural, ALWAYS plural)
- GoPro mounts (the underwater equivalent of glitter — they multiply)
If divers decorated holiday trees, the ornaments would all be gear they’re “just airing out.”
2. The Festive Season Means One Thing: More Dive Travel Planning
While normal people spend December talking about cookies, cozy evenings, and upcoming family traditions, divers spend December doing the following:
- Calculating annual leave to maximise dive trip maths
- Googling “warmest dive destinations in February”
- Checking flight routes that require only two questionable layovers
- Watching YouTube videos titled “Top 10 Places to Dive With Something That Could Definitely Eat You”
- Checking water temperatures obsessively
- Trying to justify another trip by saying things like “It’s important for my mental health” (they’re not wrong)
Divers love travel more than they love comfort. They’re the people who will sit on a plastic bench for four hours, soaked and freezing, because “the visibility was AMAZING.”
And the festive season is prime dream-trip plotting time.
3. Divers Will Talk to You About Diving Until You Die
If you accidentally say something like “How was your year?” to a diver at a family gathering, congratulations — you’ve triggered a TED Talk.
Divers love telling dive stories.
ALL divers. Even the quiet ones.
It starts with something like:
“Well, on this dive…”
And then you black out.
When you regain consciousness:
- your drink is empty
- the diver is still talking
- they’re on story number nine
- other relatives are making escape plans
Divers do not realise how long they’ve been talking.
They think everyone wants to hear about the time they saw a rare nudibranch that “looked like a tiny blue croissant.”
They also reenact buoyancy in the middle of the living room.
Every time.
Every year.
4. Divers Believe Their Non-Diver Friends and Family Care About Fish Behaviour
No one has ever enthusiastically responded to the sentence:
“Let me show you a photo of a frogfish.”
And yet divers persist.
At gatherings, divers whip out their phones and proudly show:
- fish that look like rocks
- rocks that look like fish
- blurry silhouettes
- GoPro screenshots from 40 metres with the caption “You can kind of see the shark there!”
Non-divers smile politely while having absolutely no idea what they’re looking at.
Divers, unfazed, scroll to the next 400 photos.
5. Divers Will Absolutely Bring Dive Gear Into Holiday Conversations Even When It Makes No Sense
You could be talking about seasonal baking and a diver will say:
“That reminds me of the time I got nitrogen narcosis.”
Or someone mentions a sweater and the diver immediately responds:
“Yeah but have you tried putting on a 5mm wetsuit in summer? THAT’S a struggle.”
Or your uncle says:
“I saw a big dog today.”
And the diver leaps in, wide-eyed:
“Which reminds me! Have you SEEN a potato cod? It’s basically a giant Labrador but with fins!”
They can’t help it.
Diving isn’t a hobby.
It’s a personality trait.
6. Divers Experience Regular Holiday Nostalgia… For Their Last Dive Trip
While others get sentimental over twinkling lights or childhood holiday traditions, divers get misty-eyed over:
- their first manta sighting
- that dive where the visibility was “seriously unreal, like 40 metres EASY”
- the wreck they still dream about
- the turtle who looked at them like they were mildly disappointing
Holiday nostalgia hits divers differently.
They’re not thinking about festive pasts.
They’re thinking about surface intervals.
7. Divers Buy Gifts for Themselves “By Accident”
No diver has ever gone into a dive shop in December and come out empty-handed.
Ever.
They always “accidentally” buy:
- a new mask
- a new wetsuit
- a new gadget they swear they need
- the same gadget in blue, because backup
- fins that “were on sale” (they were not)
- a hoodie from the dive shop because it has a manta ray on it
They go in for o-rings and leave with enough gear to outfit a small research expedition.
8. Divers Keep Trying to Recruit Everyone Around Them
The festive season brings families together. And divers see this as a prime recruitment opportunity.
“Oh, you like nature? You should dive.”
“Oh, you like swimming? You should dive.”
“Oh, you’re a human with oxygen needs? YOU SHOULD DIVE.”
Divers genuinely believe the world would be better if everyone got a C-card.
And to be fair — they’re probably right.
But spare a thought for the cousin who was just trying to eat lasagna.
9. Divers Are Delightfully Predictable — And We Love Them for It
Yes, they talk too much about diving.
Yes, they spend way too much money on gear.
Yes, they turn every holiday conversation into an ocean TED Talk.
Yes, they’re already planning dives for next year.
But divers also bring:
- enthusiasm
- stories
- adventure
- a love for the planet
- and a contagious sense of wonder
And in a season full of noise, divers remind us what it feels like to find peace, beauty, and awe — even if it’s underwater, 12 metres down, wearing fins bigger than your suitcase.
A Festive Message for Divers Everywhere
If you’re a diver:
May your gear be dry, your air fills be cheap, and your next trip be sooner than expected.
If you love a diver:
May your patience be strong, your listening skills forgiving, and your tolerance for dive stories endless.
And to everyone celebrating the festive season — in whatever way you celebrate — may it be full of laughter, adventure, and just the right amount of silly diver energy.